


Living our truth

by Purplecircle



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 18:35:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20430554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplecircle/pseuds/Purplecircle
Summary: An A.R where Lexi and Rue are already together. Follow them through the ups and downs of their relationship as they come to the realization of what they really want. Will it be each other?I don't fucking know- maybe...





	1. Chapter 1

"Gawd Lexi get the fuck up if I have to deal with mom's shit then you do too!" My sister Cassie yelled banging on my door waking me up from what I hoped would become a deep sleep. A groan next to me confirmed that I wasn't the only one that felt that way. We had a long night, an amazing one but long. "Fuckkk can't you turn your sister off for a second I need at-least another 2 hours of sleep to function semi properly." Rue sighed whipping her arm from around my waist and covering her head with a pillow. I giggled grabbing my own pillow and pelting her with it. Well maybe if you wouldn't have insisted on that second round we would have been bright eyed and bushy tailed by now." Rue slowly moved the pillow down from her face revealing a knowing smirk. "You wanted it just as much as I did. I was just the genius that suggested it." "You..are not wrong bu-" "Aha-" Rue interrupted what most likely would have been me scolding her incredibly high and seemingly increasing libido by rolling over the bed and trapping me under her body and gaze "I knew it." She leaned in slowly- and God I loved when she did that and caught my lips between hers. 

And there it was-

That feeling-

The beating in my chest and the lightness in my stomach that was sure to stay long after her lips left mine. I needed that feeling- I always need it. Almost as much as I need her. 

Rue and I got together about 2 months ago. It wasn’t a very grand scenario just a knowing moment. It was a week after she and Jules started ‘dating’. Which mostly consisted of them arguing constantly which was toxic for the both of them. Rue would confide in me about their consistent warfare- I would listen, and that’s just about all I would do. Not because I didn’t care- Rue was all I cared about at that time- and that was the problem. Seeing them together even before they started dating confused my feelings. I just passed it off as slightly jealous. I wasn’t getting to see as much of her and the only person other than Rue herself that I had to blame was Jules. And I did. But when they started dating- and I saw them kiss the innocent jealousy I had, turned into a raging ball of envy mixed with a wounded feeling. It didn’t take long for me to realize why my emotions turned so quickly. Cas was a big help with that-

*Flashback*  
I pulled the covers tightly around my body as it kept getting chillier in the living room- and it annoyed the hell out of me. Mom must have been messing with the air conditioner again which she has been doing nonstop for the past hour. Which was probably because she had a fever and couldn’t figure out if it was too hot or too cold at any given moment. I decided to escape the worst of it and go downstairs and watch Netflix until she finally decided to stay sleeping and I could change the AC to a livable 72 degrees. I was on my second movie ,’Blue is the warmest colour’ which was highly recommended through Twitter a few years ago but I never got around to watching it. I was at the scene where Adele and Emma first saw each other when I heard the front door opening.   
“Hey..” Cas said creeping in kicking her heels off. “God its fucking freezing in here.” “Yeah,” I agreed still engrossed in the movie. “Moms been at the AC all night.” I heard Cassie walking closer to the couch, eventually sliding in right next to me. She pulled a portion of my blanket closer to her and I rested my head on her warm shoulder. We sat in comfortable silence for a while as she got caught up in the movie as well. “I saw this with Kat at that indie theater when it came out,” She whispered. “Oh yeah.” I replied half-heartedly. “Mmmhm- we snuck in, it was either this or a re-run of some black and white movie and it looked boring. You like it so far?” I shrugged. “Its ok-just started though.” “Weren’t you supposed to be at Rue’s?” She asked. I shrugged again “She canceled. Something came up which usually translates to ‘I got a better offer with Jules’” Cassie maneuvered her arms around my shoulder bringing me into a light hug. “I’m sorry Lex- I know Rue’s been a dick lately.” I didn’t answer- there was nothing I could say Rue was being a dick. But that wasn’t what was bothering me - at least not right now. What was bothering me now has been bothering me since Rue and Jules started dating and even further back. Back to when I couldn’t imagine feeling as good as I did with Rue with anyone else in the world. What was bothering me was a long time coming.

The movie progressed and we were just about an hour in when I couldn’t hold my thoughts in any longer. “I think I’m gay.” I whispered. I don’t know why I said it but it was like I physically couldn’t not say it. I took a breath and looked over at Cassie who was now laying on the other side of the couch. She looked back at me with a nonchalant expression for a moment before she cracked a knowing smirk. “I had a hunch. I mean after you rejected every guy I tried to set you up with- I started to wonder.” Out of nowhere I began to cry. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed about who I was, nor was I sad to figure out so suddenly. All of it was just emotional. “Oh God Lex, I'm sorry- did I say something. I’m totally happy for you- and I can set you up with loads of hot girls-” Cassie panicked quickly wrapping me into a hug, probably assuming I was upset about her reaction. “It’s not you. It’s everything- and I don’t know how to feel right now.” I said wiping my tears. “Is it Rue…” Cassie replied lightly. I stayed silent for a while attempting to get my thoughts together, just listening to the sound of our breathing and the low volume movie in the background staring blankly at the couch wrapped in my sisters caring arms. I sighed before whispering, “I don’t think it's ever not about Rue.”   
***

"Lexi, I'm fucking serious come on!" Cassie yelled still outside the door. "Shit." I deadpanned into her lips before reluctantly breaking the kiss causing Rue to pout. I sighed playfully rolling my eyes, "You know I have to go Rue, it would be a crime to leave Cas alone with her." I said throwing the covers off of my partially bare body and dressing myself with the scattered clothes on the floor. "Can I at least get some breakfast?" Rue asked mimicking my actions a bit more begrudgingly. "You know your not aloud to stay over on the weekdays my mom will kill me if she finds out that I snuck you in last night." A fully dressed Rue dragged herself behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist "I don't understand why our moms agreed on that stupid fucking rule." She whispered into my neck. I moaned from the vibration as she began to nip on that spot that made me go crazy. "Mmm-maybe because we'd wake up tired and horny everyday and that can't be healthy."I moaned trying to get my head straight. But it was damn near impossible. When Rue starts taking me places I can never stop her, my stupid body won't allow it. Which is probably how we got into this situation in the first place. 

"God why don't you guys ever lock the door." Cassie barged in. Rue quickly backed away from my neck abandoning the forming hickey and dropped her hands to her sides. She hated being caught in action. "What the fuck Cas I was on my way down." I said frustrated from the lost in contact. "Yeah right, you were 5 minutes from fucking it already smells like sex in here." She grimaced "Anyway you should be thanking me- I threw mom off your scent. She was about to come in here last night around the time that your screams woke. her. up. I told her you were sick" I quickly looked at Rue who shared the same petrified expression as I did. "There's no fucking way we're that loud." She awkwardly whispered. I shrugged, I do get a little carried away but its Rue and Rue does things- amazing things to me

Cassie rolled her eyes "Being next door I can guarantee that you are. And I'm glad your wetting her dry spell Rue but, watch how you violate my little sister especially when everyone's home." She pointed playfully. "Aye Aye Captain," Rue sarcastically saluted. Causing Cassie to laugh which in turn made me. Their friendship really blossomed after we got together but I'm pretty sure its from the countless days she's spent here. It's the same with Gia and I she even asked me to pick her up from Roy and Troy’s party because she didn’t want a lecture from Rue. I still gave her one though, those boys are assholes. "Anyway nerd, sneak out the back in five we'll create a diversion." Cassie said grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door. "What the hell is this mission impossible," I said being lead away with Rue following behind. "Well it feels like keeping you too away from each other is impossible so yeah I guess." I was able to sneak in a kiss and an 'I love you' before Cassie yanked me out the doorway and downstairs. I still felt pretty unsatisfied. But leaving Rue on its own was unsatisfying so I'm not surprised. A few minutes later when Cassie was on the floor helping mom clean up the juice pitcher she "accidentally" spilled in the dining room, I caught a quick glance at Rue dramatically bowing mouthing 'good day m'lady' and I chuckled. Stunts like that make it more tolerable to deal with her absence she is definitely a huge dork.


	2. Chapter 2

I didn’t get to see Rue after she left. Usually we would ride our bikes to school together but my mom insisted on driving Cassie and I today. And as reluctant as I was about it I couldn’t talk her out of it. Which was unfortunate because even though I just saw her I was already missing my Rue- fix. Just thinking about the agonizing hours without her ahead dropped my mood immensely. The only time we got to see each other during the school day was our study hall hours. And seeing as I was in first period and study hall didn’t start until fifth period- I could tell that my mood would definitely not be getting any better. I sent her a text:

Class sux w/o you 💛  
....  
Reply: Everything sux w/o you 💛

I smiled. Which probably looked extremely dorky to the surrounding kids in my calculus class. But Rue always gives me the pick me up I need. 

Rue was late to study hall. I’m not surprised at all she’s always late to well- everywhere but her excuse this time kind of got under my skin. She texted:  
Had to help Jules keep my seat warm  
I read over it like 500 times like a psychopath and I couldn’t stop it from bugging me. It was so short and vague and not at all like something you would send to your girlfriend. I’m fully aware that Rue would never cheat on me (we had a long conversation in the beginning of our relationship about everything) but with Jules it's different. I never quite gotten used to them being alone together or together with me. I know they’re best friends and I know I can’t take that away from Rue but I never wanna to chance anything. This thought process alone has kept me clicking my pen constantly for over half an hour, completely ignoring my notes for my brit lit exam. Which lucky for me- is another thing to worry about. .

“Hey.” Rue whispered directly in my ear causing me to jump five feet in the air. “Jesus you scared the hell out of me Rue.” I said hitting her playfully with a stray notebook. “Penny for your thoughts.” She smirked sliding into the seat next to mine. I smiled looking into her sparkling brown eyes before shyly looking down. “Just missing you.” “Here I am.” She said cupping my chin with her index finger and thumb and turning my face toward hers. “Here you are.” I confirmed leaning in forgetting all the annoyance that built to its peak just minutes before. We were centimeters from each others lips before I abruptly stopped the moment when I spotted an awkward looking Jules standing behind Rue. “And here’s Jules.” I say with as much optimism as I can muster. “Oh yeah-” Rue says dropping her hand from my chin and landing it on my lap. “She had some free time and you both have that brit lit exam so I thought you could study together.” She smiled so innocently that I almost hid my annoyance- almost.  
-It wasn't me being a crazy girlfriend it was Rue and I’s only time together in school and she knows how awkward I am when I’m around Jules. Especially when Rue and I show any type of affection towards each other. The air just goes completely stale in the room and it gets so uncomfortably. And it seems like everyone notices it but Rue notices it. Even when I try to explain it to her she’s still oblivious to it. We just eventually just agreed to limit the time that all three of us hung out together.. Which is why I’m kind of shocked that she would invite her to our study hall.

“Um-yeah that should be fine…” I said. “Or not.” Jules started picking up on my weary vibe. “I could always study with Kevin he smells a little but I know you guys don’t get much time together since those rules your parents set.” I inwardly grimaced. On top of limited the time we all spend together we also agreed to leave Jules out of our relationship troubles because of her and Rue’s past. “So you know about the rules?” I asked Jules but raised an eyebrow at Rue. “Well yeah, Jules wanted to know why we weren’t hanging out as much on the weekdays so I told her. I didn’t think it was a big deal” Rue answered nonchalantly. Sometimes she's so dense. “Why should it be,” I said packing up my books “I’m gonna go catch the end of Cas’s cheer practice.” “But I thought we were gonna- Hey!- Lex!” Rue called after me as I continued to the door

Rue POV  
I’m pretty much fucked. After study hall ended and Jules and I went our separate ways for the day I tried to text Lexi. She didn’t text back. Which in her case only means two things- she lost her phone in a freak accident or- she’s pissed. I’m almost sure she has her phone as I’m leaning against the school building watching her on it, most likely waiting for her mom to pick her up. She’s gonna kill me. And even though I probably fully deserve it- I would much rather she didn’t. 

As I go through my mind about all the ways I could make this situation better I get lost in watching her. She’s beautiful- everything I need. She was wearing light jeans shorts that went down to her upper thighs and a maroon tank paired with her white converse. But I couldn’t get over her hair. Its was beautiful and flowing perfectly in the light breeze. Damn I really lucked up. It took all the willpower I had not to run up to her and kiss her right there. Feel her- breathe in her scent- God I can’t get enough of her. But I know the the lecture is gonna come immediately after and I didn’t have an excuse to why I told Jules exactly what I wasn’t supposed to tell her. I just did. 

“Hey Rue-boo” A voice called behind me. I whipped my head to the side and saw Maddy waving me over to the outside bench table that sat her Cassie, Kat, and BB. I rolled my eyes and made my way over catching a glance of Lexi getting in her mom’s car before I reluctantly looked away. “We had a bet.” she said as soon as I got the table. “So like BB’s convinced you and Lex use a strap but I-” “They do!” BB exclaimed, Maddy rolled her eyes. “Like I was saying- she’s convinced but I was like of course not Rue has long fingers so you could just-” “Gawd that’s my little sister Mads.” Cassie fake choked. “And from what you told us your little sister's getting dicked down.” BB said knowingly glancing at Cassie. “Um- fingered down.” Maddy corrected. “Jesus,” Kat said obviously just a bystander to the conversation. “Can- I um- Can I go.” I said awkwardly careful not to look any of them in the eye. Jesus I see why Lexi limits her time with them. These questions probably come up all the time. “Damn I knew she wasn’t gonna say anything. Lexi won’t say shit either.” BB sighed disappointingly. “You asked her this.” I said a little shocked. Lexi’s the most private about our relationship I would have loved to have seen the look on her face after a question like that. BB nodded, “I would say your dating a prude but Cassie swears you guys fuck like 5 times a day.” “Speaking off I know she’s kinda pissed at you.” Cassie says changing the subject. I shrugged. “Rue…” Cassie trailed. “I know, I know, I’m gonna fix it.” I replied sorrily. “I just don’t want her to be hurt by you Rue and this isn’t the first time.” 

“I fucked up. I fuck up a lot but I love her Cas.” I protested as a chorus of ‘awes’ came from Maddy and Cat. “And I’m not trying to hurt her- I just do sometimes-but I’m trying harder to notice it and I’m gonna fix it.” Cassie stared at me for awhile reading my eyes. “Fix it now.” She said shooing me away as seriously as she could “Or else.” She couldn’t be as mad as she wanted to be. Cas knows what I have for Lex is real she's just always skeptical of me. And after the way I treated her sister in the past I don’t blame her. Plus Cassie’s threat was 100% going to be backed up if our talk at one of McKay’s weekend parties was any indication.

*Flashback*  
Jules and I were becoming distant and we were only a thing for a week. The chemistry between us was electrifying but its like we couldn’t channel that into a healthy relationship and it was frustrating the hell out of us both. We couldn’t be together for more than an hour without arguing over the most pointless things. And just a little over an hour ago I left her house flustered after an intense battle about what our first date should be. This wasn’t our first argument about the subject but god-willing it would definitely be our last (It wasn’t). I wanted to take Jules out on one of those fancy dates the shit you see on romantic movies. I wanted to proclaim what we had to the world albeit it super fragile but mostly I wanted to show her how I felt. Jules on the other hand thought the whole idea of following the societal concept of what an ordinary date should be was hetero-normative and that we were anything but. I explained to her that that wasn’t my thought process and I just wanted to do something nice with her, but by that time she was already telling me that subconsciously I can’t be open to other ways of dating because of my unknowing conditioning by America’s toxic culture. And even though she made some pretty damn good points I still wanted a date, so I gave her the decision. I would go anywhere at anytime I just wanted to be with her and even then it turned into an argument. I couldn’t take it anymore. I stormed out of her place and crashed McKay’s party to blow off steam.

Of course that was a stupid idea because there were drugs and alchol everywhere and if I wanted to I could have broken my sobriety 10 time over. But I soon realized that all I really wanted to do was sit in a corner and let the loud bass music interrupt all my thoughts.  
“Hey stranger” a voice called. I looked up and there was Lexi. She was wearing a white tank top and a purple skirt with white converse. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and it looked recently done. Judging by the drips of sweat on her forehead she was probably hot. Was she dancing? I’d never seen Lexi cutloose at any party much less dance. But she had a slight slur in her voice that indicated that she may be having a little too much fun tonight. 

“Hey Lex, I didn’t know you’d be here”, I said still taking in her features. She knowingly smiled, “We haven’t talked in like a month so you probably didn’t know anything that was going on with me”. I frowned slightly, although Lexi’s tone was a little playful I still felt bad for ignoring her except when I wanted to rant about my 'relationship'. All my energy was going into Jules and trying to create something with her and I had every intention of catching up with Lexi after I did it. But now all my attention is going to maintaining- whatever the hell we have. It’s like a never ending cycle. “Lex- I’m really sorry its just that I’ve been busy with Jules and- you know-”. “More Jules.” She interrupted raising an eyebrow at me. I huffed, “Basically”. We went into this uncomfortable silence where neither of us knew what to say next. We just kept looking at the floor and the surrounding people and sometimes each other. Until Lexi spoke- “Wanna dance?” 

10 minutes later we were in the middle of the crowd jumping to every pop song that played. It was like we were back and all the previous awkward tension we had even before Jules came into the picture was gone. It was just me and Lexi-my Lexi. As time went on we still danced and occasionally Lexi would steal sips of Cassie’s drink when we bumped into her on the dance floor. I could tell the alcohol was getting to her when her dance moves started to change from carefree and playful to sexy and sensual mostly because she was getting to me. This wasn’t the first time that I saw Lexi in a different way then just a friend but this time it was more intense. She was confident and not just because of the alcohol she was changing in other ways too- better ways. Maybe it was because she didn’t have to deal with me as often or maybe it was a part of her growing up. Whatever it is it was definitely turning me on in a way that it hasn’t before. We were getting more bold with our combined dance moves as Lexi began to lightly grind on me and I was too drunk on her to do anything but reciprocate. When our bodies were so close that there was literally no more satisfaction that we could get with all of these barriers around us Lexi began to lead me upstairs into one of the empty bedrooms. 

I was so enticed with her that I couldn’t do anything but comply and eagerly so. Nothing else but Lexi was on my mind. Not our previous strained relationship, or my mom and the hell she’s gonna put me through because I was definitely going to be back late or the fact that there are loads of people just downstairs and I was about to do who knows what. And as Lexi closed the door behind us the absolute last thought that was on my mind was Jules. 

I grabbed Lexi by her hips and pulled her into a forceful kiss that she reciprocated wrapping her arms around my neck. I began leading her back to the bed before we suddenly stumbled onto to it falling on top of the mattress. Lexi quickly flipped on top of me and straddled my legs while taking off her shirt. When I first caught sight of her lace bra holding up her perfect breast my breath was hitched. She smirked and placed one of my hands on them and let out a moan when I squeezed it before our lips reunited into a more intense kiss. I flipped us over as we began getting into a rhythm and rode my free hand up Lexi’s skirt. I was just about the reach the gold until I heard the room door open. “Oh my god”! Cassie shouted. Lexi and I quickly pushed away from each other trying to calm down our breathing. “What the hell Cass”! Lexi shouted putting on her discarded shirt. “Fuck, I was just gonna tell you that a lot of us were gonna head to waffle house…” Cassie smirked evilly, “But I guess you guys were just about to eat”. “Your horrible you know that.” Lexi said fixing her skirt before brushing past Cassie and storming outside of the room. “I know, but you love me,” She called to an already long gone Lexi. I was still in a foggy state of mind from what just happened and Lexi seemed to recover much more quickly then I was going to so I didn’t even notice when Cassie stepped closer to me before she spoke.

“So you were gonna fuck my little sister”? The question was crude and seriously weird but Cassie put it in the most nonchalant way, it's almost as if she was a little curious. “I-I-I-I mean I think- I don’t know. N-no?” I stammered confused on the right answer and my intentions entirely. Would I have done that with Lexi? “Relax Rue I’m not mad and your not on trial but you are with Jules aren’t you”. I nodded slowly as my mouth began to dry- Jules- Oh god oh god- I’m really fucked. “I don’t know what happened. Things with Jules are not what I thought- I didn’t mean to cheat or-” I quickly cut myself off, what was happening I never was one to overshare like this but my mind was racing a thousand miles an hour and I couldn’t keep up. “Sooo it sounds like you were having relationship troubles so you ran to Lexi as a rebound.” Cassie said with a slight bite in her tone. “No. no. I would never do that- I care-”. “About what Rue? About Lexi, about Jules, about yourself. What do you care about because right now nobodies gonna benefit from what just went down”. Cassie said. I shook my head. “I don’t know.” “What don’t you know Rue.” Cassie probed. “I don’t know! I don’t know what I care about or what I wanted from this I just did it!” I yelled out. Although I didn’t know I was yelling. I just couldn’t face her questions, they were real and would probably change everything and it was something I didn’t wanna face- not then. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt I guess”. I whispered more calmly. Cassie sighed. “She likes you Rue- Lexi- she likes you.” I swung my head to Cass suddenly very interested in what she had to say. “I don’t know why because the way you’ve been acting lately she could do so much better- but she wants you. So if this is just a one time thing that you guys just did you need to tell her, and then you need to get the fuck out of her life so that she doesn't still hang her self to you. But if it’s not-”. “Cass I’m with Ju-” I started but she continued. “But if its not, and I’m not saying it is because you’ve still clearly got some shit to figure out. Then make your next move from there, because if these feelings- whatever they are keep coming up someones always gonna get hurt. And as much as I hate to admit it, Lexi will gladly get hurt by you a hundred times over. But just keep in mind Rue that the next time you upset her I will fuck you up”. And with that she left. As soon as she was out of eyesight I threw my head back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. ‘Lexi likes me.’ I thought, and I couldn’t help but smile.  
***

That night I promised myself that no matter what went down or who I ended up with that I would do everything in my power not to hurt Lexi. I whipped out my phone and sent her a text: 

-Our spot in an hour… Please Baby 💛

I’m not gonna break that promise.


End file.
